Autism Acceptance: Day 12
TL/DR: Accepting my Autism means accepting my other neurodivergent conditions.
Most adults on the spectrum had the chance to be diagnosed as kids. My daughter, for example, is turning 22 this summer, and she was diagnosed at age 12. However, for those of us who were born before 1994, when Asperger’s Syndrome was accepted as an “official” diagnosis in the DSM-IV, the idea that we could be Autistic is a difficult one to swallow. When I was growing up, students who were identified as Autistic had extreme behaviors. Meltdowns, being non-verbal, not being able to share thoughts with others, these were the ones where people KNEW the person was Autistic. But, as one of my professors once said about adults on the spectrum, “They were the people in your school, in your grade, in your classes that was just a little bit odd.” And that’s what I was - a little odd or, as someone once called me, eccentric. I went through school being that strange kid who would go home and read 1200 page Stephen King books in 8th grade; the kid who knew tons of different dinosaur species and a lot of trivia about them. (For example, it was discovered in the early 1970s that the exhibited dinosaur Brontosaurus in the Peabody Museum at Yale University had the wrong skull mounted on its neck). I was the model of a kid with Autism (or Asperger’s Syndrome), just Level 1 (not normally needing additional support).
When I was in college, I started hanging out with my girlfriend (now wife) and a bunch of friends in her dorm room. The other girls in the dorm were comfortable with me, and felt that I was part of their group. I gave them rides places, paid for meals, and was just an all around nice guy. But I never went out of my way to be sociable with anyone. I was usually quiet and withdrawn, quietly following them from place to place. I often brought other friends with me to hang out, but never really just spoke my mind. My girlfriend and I would have discussions with the school’s priest (it was a Catholic College) about my difficulties with my faith and beliefs. But I still didn’t know I was on the spectrum.
After we got married, my wife tried to be a “good” wife, and I started getting frustrated that she wasn’t happy. I had always been quiet and withdrawn, but here was this woman I really cared for, and she wasn’t happy with things. I sought out help from my school’s psychologist at the medical center, and I was diagnosed with Depression. I was still 13 years away from my diagnosis, but the first hints that I might be different were starting to show through. I couldn’t help my wife to be happy, and I couldn’t communicate that to her. No matter how I tried, her unhappiness dragged me down until I was in a depressive cycle.
I finally was able to get out of my funk a few years later when I left my graduate work to become a teacher. I loved working with the students, and was able to share my happiness with them, especially when my wife was expecting our daughter. Yet, I was having difficulty at the school with another teacher. She didn’t get along with me, or the parents of her students. In fact, she would berate me and my teaching style in front of other teachers, her students, and anyone who she could talk to. After my daughter was born, she would insult her intelligence in front of me, and was just an all around horrible person. My depression started to come back, especially since both my family and my wife’s family lived a 3+ hour drive away. I was 9 years from my diagnosis, and my inability to understand my wife’s feelings and emotions was starting to indicate that I was on the spectrum.
I was also diagnosed with ADHD shortly after this, and this was another clue that I was on the Spectrum. Finally, in 2011, I was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome (a psycho-social diagnosis, meaning one based solely on the DSM and observable behaviors). I received a more complete diagnosis in 2021, but there were definitely clues that indicated my Autism, ones that were first thought to be just regular mental differences.
Autism includes a wide range of differences, and often individuals are just diagnosed with one or two of them. However, these are the symptoms of the autism. And when an individual is treated for one of these co-occurring conditions (also called comorbid conditions) without knowing that it is a result of Autism, it’s like treating only the pain in a headache, and not the cause of the pain. Those on the spectrum often have disorders like ADHD, Depression, Anxiety, OCD, other Mental Illnesses, or medical disorders such as epilepsy and Tourette’s Syndrome. But the causes of these, especially the mental illnesses (Depression, Anxiety, etc.) are the social difficulties understanding other people, so they may not respond to conventional treatments.
Learning to accept my Autism has forced me to accept my other differences, and learn to deal with them in my own ways. I know that they are a part of me, just like my Autism, and they make me a unique and wonderful individual. I have been able to use my dealings with these differences and help my kids to accept them and learn to cope with them successfully when they encounter them. Being Autistic makes me different, not less, and that I can deal with whatever life throws at me.
Links: Comorbitiy in Autism; Autism and Comormid Conditions; Wikipedia; Conditions that co-occur with Autism; Autism’s Clinical Companions; Comorbidities and Autism (a study on frequency of occurrence); Other Conditions that Occur with Autism
I just remember Senator Boxer:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FcDKDOwRU-I
Autism screening now covered by ACA.
along with dozens of preventable diseases
including cybersecurity as well.